Before meeting at a party in 2011, Michael Taylor and Tim Vincent both thought they would be single for life.
Michael Taylor is the rare person who can say that much of what he’s learned about long-term relationships was on the job.
As a private estate manager, he has spent years overseeing the lives of wealthy clients, who currently include Suzanne Somers and her husband Alan Hamel, and have included Lynda and Stewart Resnick, the couple behind POM Wonderful and Fiji water. There was also a famous fashion designer and his husband. Working for all, Mr. Taylor said, has helped him understand “what it meant to be in a relationship.”
Even with this firsthand knowledge, he had largely stopped pursuing a romantic life of his own when he met Timothy Vincent in August 2011 at a party hosted by Mr. Taylor’s cousin in Oakland, Calif. Both men were in their mid-to-late 50s and Mr. Vincent, who goes by Tim, was also quite used to being single by then.
There was a period when Mr. Vincent would think to himself, “‘Maybe I’ll go to this thing,’ or ‘Maybe I’ll wear the tighter sweater,’” he said. “But at this point, I was content with the fact that it may not happen.”
Mr. Vincent, who attended the party with friends he shared with its host, was taken with Mr. Taylor’s smile at first sight. The two quickly struck up what Mr. Vincent described as an easy conversation, mostly about their families: both come from large ones, and each man’s parents are deceased.
Before long, talking turned to flirting. Their connection was so immediate that Mr. Taylor, who was living in Los Angeles, spent much of what remained of his three days in town at Mr. Vincent’s place.
“I was the only one to choose from,” Mr. Vincent said jokingly of the party’s mostly straight crowd.
Mr. Vincent said he came away from that time consumed by thoughts about how “I’ve just met the most amazing man.” But when that amazing man neglected to call during a two-week trip to New York that followed their days together in Oakland, it did not go over well with Mr. Vincent.
When Mr. Taylor finally called, he made excuses about how busy he had been visiting family and friends. Mr. Vincent wasn’t having it. “I’ve been to Manhattan,” he said of his thinking at the time. “I know it’s possible to make calls from there.”
Though Mr. Taylor didn’t admit it in the moment, a fear of commitment had gotten the better of him. “I hadn’t felt this feeling in a long time,” he said.
Mr. Taylor, now 67, is the fourth of six boys. He grew up in Mount Pleasant, Pa., and attended Edinboro University in Edinboro, Pa. A grandfather of three and great-grandfather of four, Mr. Taylor had a daughter, Michquel, with a woman he was in a relationship with before he came out. Last November, Michquel died of cancer at age 45.
Mr. Vincent, now 65, grew up in Sacramento, Calif., and is the youngest of his five sisters and two brothers. His grandparents on both sides were immigrants from the West African island of Cape Verde. After graduating from San Francisco State University, he earned a master’s degree in marriage, family and child counseling from the California State University, Los Angeles.
Mr. Vincent has spent much of his career training health care providers in H.I.V. prevention and care, mostly at the University of California, San Francisco, where he has worked in different capacities since 1998. He is now a senior consultant there, and most recently helped create a national curriculum to train contact tracers for Covid.
About a month after he met Mr. Taylor in Oakland, Mr. Vincent traveled to L.A. for work. While there, he ended up helping Mr. Taylor move and their relationship soon moved a step forward.
“We felt so comfortable with each other that we were not interested in dating anyone else,” Mr. Taylor said.
At this stage in their lives, both also felt that being with someone who is Black and close in age simplified things.
“I didn’t want to have to explain what my life was about,” Mr. Vincent said.
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Within months of becoming exclusive, Mr. Vincent met Mr. Taylor’s brothers, daughter and grandchildren, and Mr. Taylor met Mr. Vincent’s siblings. Mr. Vincent also took Mr. Taylor to visit his mother’s grave.
Two of Mr. Vincent’s sisters joined them on that visit. “Timmy’s got a really nice guy,” Mr. Vincent recalled his eldest sister saying to his mother.
For the next six years, the couple maintained a long-distance relationship. During that time, when Mr. Vincent came to Los Angeles, they began visiting Palm Springs, Calif. In 2015, they bought a condo there together and spent the next 14 months renovating it.
The following year, when one of Mr. Taylor’s grandsons came to live with him in Los Angeles for a time, Mr. Vincent displayed a tenderness that sealed the deal for Mr. Taylor.
“He and Tim instantly got along very well,” Mr. Taylor said. “Seeing him bond with my grandson made our bond even stronger.”
Of Mr. Taylor, Mr. Vincent said, “I love how committed he is to the people in his life that matter to him, and how dedicated he is to our life together.”
In 2017, both relocated to Palm Springs full-time. They then brought home a smooth fox terrier, Beauregard Barak VinTay — Beau for short — and soon traded their condo for a house.
Since arriving in Palm Springs, the couple has developed a reputation for showing gracious hospitality to their community, said Joe Goode, a choreographer and longtime friend of Mr. Vincent’s.
“Tim’s very outgoing and funny, and Michael is an amazing cook as well as makes everything beautiful, so it’s always a fun time at their place,” Mr. Goode said. “If my niece or sister comes to visit, they throw a big dinner for my people and their people. They’re just extraordinary in that way.”
Though Palm Springs is a popular place for gay men to spend time or retire, after becoming residents of the city, the couple noticed that those men were disproportionately white.
In 2018, they co-founded Brothers of the Desert, a nonprofit that brings together gay Black men in the Coachella Valley. In addition to providing mentorship and scholarships, the organization has since hosted three annual wellness summits on the theme of “living your best Black gay life,” as well as regular networking events and social gatherings. Mr. Vincent serves as president of its board.
“I love Tim’s intelligence, his compassion and that he devotes his life to making a difference for society,” Mr. Taylor said, adding that “he also has such respect for my creativity, so I feel very secure and at peace in this relationship.”
In March, Brothers of the Desert was named the Outstanding Community Service Organization of the Year by the Desert Business Association for the Coachella Valley, a chamber of commerce specifically for L.G.B.T.Q. entrepreneurs in the area.
“They’ve been such a visible and positive force in our community,” said David Powell, the association’s executive director.
Though marriage was not a given for gay men of their generation, each knew it was something he wanted, largely because of the excuse to be celebrated by friends and family, both men said. Mr. Vincent compared the 2015 Supreme Court ruling that legalized same-sex marriage to the drug cocktail that changed the course of H.I.V.
“I’ve had so many pangs of anger wishing it happened a lot earlier,” he said of marriage equality. “But at the same time, I’m so happy younger people get to have this. I believe that this, too, will save lives.”
Over the years, they jokingly proposed to one another several times before Mr. Taylor asked Mr. Vincent to marry him in August 2021. After dinner at Miro’s, a favorite restaurant in Palm Springs, Mr. Taylor played “With This Ring” by the Platters on his phone. He then presented Mr. Vincent with a ring similar to one he wears that Mr. Vincent has long admired.
Their wedding, first planned for New Year’s Day 2022, was postponed because of the Omicron variant. They were married April 9 in front of 72 guests on the rooftop of Flannery Exchange, an office building and events venue in downtown Palm Springs, with the San Jacinto Mountains as a backdrop. Tony Bradford, a minister of the Centers for Spiritual Living, officiated.
Beau served as best dog at the ceremony, which also included a moment of silence honoring Mr. Taylor’s daughter, Michquel, and remarks by Mr. Goode. Speaking before the grooms and their guests, he asked: “What happens when two mature gentlemen, elders of the queer community, decide to get married?”
Answering his own question, Mr. Goode said, “The concept of family, the idea, is dignified and uplifted and the whole extended family is brought in to celebrate and to share and to feel the great privilege of being part of something beautiful.”
On This Day
When April 9, 2022
Where Flannery Exchange in Palm Springs, Calif.
The Attire Both grooms wore dark Tom Ford suits at the ceremony. For the reception that followed, they changed into vintage dinner jackets; Mr. Taylor’s, from Valentino, was silk plaid, and Mr. Vincent’s, from Lanvin, was off-white linen.
The Menu The couple hired Betty Berrysmith, a local Black chef, to prepare the food at their wedding, some of which was made with produce that Mr. Taylor bought at a farmer’s market. An accomplished cook, Mr. Taylor also made a corn soup that was served as an appetizer. All wines served came from Black-owned vineyards in California, and the grapefruit and lemon juices used in cocktails came from fruit grown on trees in the couple’s yard.
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